Ten Good Reasons to Breed Dogs
10. Thought the house was too orderly
9. Never did like having a full nights sleep
8. Wanted my Vet to get a new BMW
7. Thought the furniture looked too nice
6. Love the sounds of puppies in the morning, noon, afternoon, evening, midnight, pre-dawn, etc.
5. Garden and backyard needed renovations, and didn't want to pay a gardener.
4. Neighbors didn't complain enough
3. Kids weren't enough of a challenge
2. If you can train & show one dog, why not ten .
1. To see if your spouse really meant his vows.
You Know You're A Dog Person When....
You buy stock in a paper towel factory.
Your jewellery box contains no jewels--just those fasteners for attaching show cards.
Every time you read the name Bob, you think the guy's first name is Best-of-Breed.
You ask your vet if you can ride in her sports car sometime.
Your house isn't carpeted--the furry fuzzballs under your feet are soft enough.
Your hungry hubby comes home from work, lifts the cover of a pan on the stove and says "Is this people or dog food?"
Your hungry hubby once ate the dog stew and asked for seconds.
Your mother-in-law keeps asking when you're going to have children.
You don't give a second thought to using the brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run-through on your own hair.
At your dinner parties, you always double-check the butter before putting it on the table.
You put important papers in your latest issue of your breed magazine, you KNOW you will find them there.
You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped gifts.
You have dog treats/toys in your briefcase.
You have several albums filled with 8 x 10 pictures of your dogs but you can't locate any pictures of your kids to send to Grandma.
You show up at the car dealers with a ruler, to measure and see if your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual purchase, you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crate and dog into the shiny, new vehicle to make sure it works!
You can't get the groceries in the car because its
a) already full of dog food or b) you have that big ole crate in there.
You visit relatives only if there is a dog show nearby.
You absentmindedly pat your husband on the head instead of hugging him.
You remove all of the seats from the van except the 2 in front so you have room for the crates. the passenger seat is full of dog stuff.
You cringe at the cost of food in the grocery store but think nothing of buying dog toys and treats.
You have 6 squeaky hedgehogs, 1 with squeaker still working
You ignore babies but are drawn to puppies
You are pickier about the shampoo you use on the dog then the one you use.
You have a show lead, a pair of cordless clippers and thinning shears in your handbag.
Your mother calls to ask just how your special did this weekend; not how you are.
You put popcorn into a clean s/s dog dish for movie night .
You pull out your credit card, and little bits of liver are stuck to it. So you want to brush it off, but since you're standing in Macy*s, this just is not too cool. So you do it, but so the saleswoman can't see what that brown goop on the credit card is. Of course, she can still SMELL it...
You don't mind hair in your food as long as it's not human!
When you buy a new van "for the dogs".
When you get your latest roll of film developed and there isn't a single picture of a two legged person in the bunch.
Every article you knit always has little pieces of dog hair knit into it, even when it's not supposed to.
Friends no longer ask "how was your weekend?" they ask "how did the dogs do?"
When someone asks you how many dogs you have now, and you never give a straight answer!
You tell your husband that if the beds to crowded because you have four large Bullies in it, that he *might* be able to find room on the couch.
You're phone bill is £900.00 and all the calls were to dog people, none to familly!
One of your greatest desires is to win the lottery so that you can build that kennel/house that you designed two years ago. Oh yes and buy that motor home and spend the rest of your days away showing dogs!
You don't go to the doctor, but your at the vet weekly!
You eat rice without chicken for dinner so that the poor puppy who had the runs two days ago can have rice with chicken, there wasn't enough for both of you!
You get furious with your husband for leaving his socks on the floor even though the living room is littered with toys, stuffed animal stuffing, crates, premium lists, shredded paper from the puppy, dog brushes, grooming table, blow dryer and oops... maybe the puppy isn't quite all the way potty trained.
If Dogs Made The Rules
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
House Rules
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
